It may take me some time to put my thoughts together enough to write here about what I want to explore. A two-year relationship ended recently and while there were lots of things wrong within it, I'm beginning to understand that my ex's control and dominance over me was deeply satisfying -- or would have been if the dynamic had somehow been healthier.

I want that again, that sense of submitting to someone stronger and even smarter than me. Wiser, maybe. I don't know how to look for it and have it feel right, feel serious and deep and... wild, but healthy. You know?

mood: indescribable music: Birthday Massacre's "Blue" tags: ex, searching, submission